If It Ain’t Broke, It Will Be When I’ve Finished with It

DIY, or Destroy It Yourself.

The problem I have is basically with … stuff. The physical world, if you will. Things that break. Things that mysteriously stain. Pins that stick themselves into me and bits of the planet that evilly attach themselves to my person.

Take Sellotape. Who are these people who can just snip off a little piece of the stuff and calmly use it for its purpose? Without getting it wrapped around their fingers and quite likely swinging from their hair. Or knock in a nail or thread a needle in a way that doesn’t bring to mind, as my late mum used to put it, ‘a pig with a musket’.

What I would really like to live in is a specially created environment – everything unbreakable, with self-cleaning surfaces, say. Or am I describing a padded cell?

So, out of curiosity: does anyone else get defeated by simple tasks that everyone except you seems to perform without thinking, or am I the only musket-toting porker left?

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